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Oh my, when you explained the part about somehow someone disappointment comes over my side of the court. THAT is so true! I’ve never heard it explained before but it is SO real!!

lol I’d really love for you to slack to my SS. I,he,we need help.

I want to know how do I deal with a 17 yo whom I know is distressed his dad disagrees thinks he’s normal. He dropped out at 15 got a ged because we held his hand and honestly has worked a part time job since. He has a side business his father condones, I don’t. There is so much more I can’t go into. how do I make this work I want him out because I now have a 2 yo to think about. I’ve stated my concerns and boundaries several times over the years, whether my husband remembers or not is a different issue. It’s time for my boundaries to be respected, right? I need so much help. But not wanting to hurt my SS but he needs to know he doesn’t have it that bad.

Thank you Dr. Becky. I have spoke to my kid about my personal experience of being left alone and his response was that must run in our DNA. Is there anything I can respond to that ? Thank you

Thank you

What a lovely man...His das was probably ( like him) a deeply feeling person in a society and family that didn't have any respect for this type of personnality and only saw money as success. So many ppl still thinking that way sadly but many thanks for such inspiring conversations and for reminding us that emotional connection is a massive privilege to grow up with. I need to hear that again and again as I can't take my kid on expensive holidays and I can't get her struggle to go away but I can do that❤

There’s so much more about the sleep training method I wonder if Gabor knows how it is even done. You don’t just leave the room and they’re on their own. I hope that you are both versed in the training. These babies wake up happy and well rested. I respect both of you.

A whole conversation happened about neurodivergent kids and Dr Becky didn’t say the word autistic once? I think that’s pretty weird. She’s awesome. And, if you’re the parent of an autistic teen, and you’ve been in the journey, you know none of this stuff is relevant. Maybe she knows this, and maybe that’s why she carved it out? I’m leaving the episode a bit confused by the framing and so feeling weirdly unseen. Won’t stop me from listening to the next one tho! ❤

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Wow! Thank you for sharing. This is sad, lonely, beautiful, liberating, inspiring and freedom wrapped up together so perfectly. Great job, Alex, on pushing through the pain. Thank you Dr Becky for your work.

Hey there, this episode was great but doesn’t match the title. This is the podcast on a conversation with the founder of Daily Harvest- rather than “Does this parenting approach actually work”

Hi Dr. Becky. I love your podcasts, however, I wonder if you would consider a podcast community for parents of tweens and teens. I understand if this is not your age range specialty! Thank you either way.

Hi! I just started listening your podcast and I love the way how you approach our little ones' mind. I have 2 kids, 6 and 2, and shari ng is not easy. What do you do if the other one is not some adult like your husband or a same age kid on the playground? For example when the 2 kids are fighting for your body and both of them need a 100% mama at the same time, and they are close and they start to hit each other for gaining more territory. How can I handle this without always asking the older one to be patient with the little.

Omg this is what I've been struggling with fir YEARS! IM 25 I have 3 kids (6,4 & 2) my house is always messy and it drives me nuts bc I spend 98% of the day cleaning and picking up. I shampoo my living room carpet once a week, it triggers me when stuff is all over the floor, the counters etc. I don't mind toys so much I mind the plates, wrappers, strawberries my 2 year old threw on the floor after he took 1 bite out of each of them, the random dumb crop that just seems to always be everywhere for no reason. The cloths! The ketchup hand print on my hall way wall, tooth paste smeared 8n the sink from my 4 year old daughter brushing her baby dolls "non existent" teeth. And it takes away from being able to spend stress free enjoyable time with my kids bc my house has to he clean before I do anything "leave the house, sit down, go to bed, get a shower etc" I clean and clean and clean and I get so tired of cleaning I end up just snapping and throwing half of my house away in the garbage bc if it's not there I won't have to pick it up anymore. My kids don't have a lot of toys all 3 of their toys fit into 1 small plastic bin with a lid and then they have like toy sets organized on the TV stand shelf in bins, etc. When I was younger my mom would scream and literally induce panic 30 minutes her bf would be home from work to get the house SPOTLESS bc if he came home and it was even a little messy he would cuss us out, call us names, get beat, told we don't do anything were lazy worthless etc "this is all before I was 10 years old" we would spend ALL DAY cleaning some days and he would still come home and say and do the same thing. As an adult I feel that panic I did when I was a kid and I clean and clean and clean but the words that pop in my head or come out of my mouth are the things he would say "this place is disgusting, this house is dirty, no one does anything, everyone's lazy no one cleans up after their selves" and a big one I hate that pops in my head alot about my kids is "they just ruin everything" when they draw on my kitchen table, wall, or my 4 year old squeezes all the soaps out in the tub for "bubbles", or mixes brown sugar and tooth paste for whatever reason, or if I go to the basement to switch laundry I come up and they have all the eggs cracked on the floor mixed with ketchup, milk and cut up bananas like wth we don't have money just to throw food in the trash, there's a huge mess and those are the times I just snap. Goes from PISSED throwing everything in sight in the trash to crying on the kitchen floor bc I HATE feeling like that and dealing with the shit these kids do its like they literally strive to drive me insane until I have a mental breakdown and I don't get it like why can't call just play with your toys like normal kids! Why on earth did my daughter think it was a good idea to paint the inside of my car with pink fingernail polish WHYYYYYY. and I feel bad bc they always ask me to play with them and my brain will not allow me to sit down when my house needs cleaned and all I can think is well if you guys didn't do the shit you do and cleaned up after yourselves I would be able to sit down and play. But no I have a million things to do and clean and I cannot just chill until it's done and even when I get it cleaned and I sit down and play I catch myself still trying to clean while playing like I can't relax and just BE PRESENT and in the moment with them and it's so frustrating. I'm getting evaluated for ADHD in a few days so hopefully that will Give me some answers and be able to start taking steps to deal with my own crap bc it feels awful and I feel so much guilt and frustration towards myself bc I know they don't understand, they aren't intentionally trying to make my life a living hell and I really realized that when my 4 year 8ld daughter started crying saying she just wanted to make the car beautiful and decorated for me. I try to Cope "by Cope I really mean ignore my emotions, distract myself, shove my emotions down etc" bc I haven't found a coping strategy that helps in the moment there is no split second between event, emotion and reaction as soon as the emotion comes the reaction follows right with it and "just breath" doesn't do anything but make me start crying and then it turns to anger bc of the crying from frustration. I was diagnosed at 12 with depression and bipolar disorder type 2 bc of my emotional issues but the more I've talked to my addiction counselor and my Dr the more I've realized I may have been misdiagnosed, multiple therapists and Dr's have asked if I have been diagnosed with ADHD or OCD bc of my history of compulsive behaviors "now its just cleaning" but it's affecting my life and my relationships.

Is the free potty training course still available?

I for sure have had to let go of alot of "parenting" that i was parented in as it was the most positive way to have been parented which has made it difficult when im trying to parent my god children

This for sure helped me to see a new perspective. Ur so right Becky! Parents werent prepared at ALL!!!!

God Bless you Dr. Becky

taking a vacation has turned into a luxury that some of us will never afford, kids not withstanding. "how to travel w children?" is a wonderful question to have that not all of us get to share... maybe that should change? you know, for the sake of the kids?

Great topic.

This podcast is helpful but how do I navigate limits on screentime with my 10 year old? The negotiations that go on between my daughter and I are endless. I have given in too much for "just a few more minutes" and she takes advantage of that. When my husband says no more screen time, it is like day and night. My 10 year old automatically listens to him. This is such a struggle for me. Please advise! Thank you.

Guilt free education. Thank you!

What about for little boys? This is hard to tell a little white boy to love himself when the entire world is telling him to hate himself. I'm a single dad and I worry about this. I deal with tons of negative feedback. It makes it hard to try and be a good parent when everyone is against a man having a child unless he is gay. I have had tons of back lash from even my own family. I hate who I am and its hard to teach a kid to love himself. Its like the school system is set up to empower mothers and if you don't fit the mold then you shouldn't have a child.

How do you not raise an asshole? when you are an asshole is the real question.

I find it very interesting to describe self-care as something you do as preventative and not an afterthought. I enjoyed this podcast very much. Would you consider a different type of "setting boundaries" podcast about children? I struggle with this for my children ages 15 and 10, mainly my 10 year old. If there is someone else who has a podcast or book about it, please share! Thank you!

Possibly most important thing I’ve heard as a parent

I was a child during the late 50's and 60's, and found a bunch of my old report cards, reading through them I noticed every teacher labeled me " very shy. " I was so angry to read that. I was shy, but why label a child that way. Just reading those reports made me feel like a freak all over again. Do they think a child isn't aware that they are a bit different. As an adult, I realize that I was, and still am a total introvert. Back in the day, they probably didn't even know what an introvert was. I love who I am today. I am a deep thinker and a deep observer. Please don't label children like they did me. Let them please be who they are. Let them be their authentic self. There is more than likely, not a thing wrong with who they are.

This is a great distinction! I particularly like that challenging / unhappy times can be punctuated with joy. Sometimes, I think I need to be open and receptive to them and understand that sometimes the negative and the positive co-exist :)

I am so graceful to you for such fantastic tips!❤

This episode touched me😢

This is a very interesting podcast. Are there any podcasts related to sibling rivalry with older children? Thank you.

Even as I struggle...I remain good inside! Thank you for your great advice...I struggle with that too and sometimes I've felt like I'm the only one struggling 😢...I feel hopeful and ill continue to improve as a mother!

Million thanks for sharing your knowledge and time with us 🙏🙌🤞✨💐🌷💕

Thank you! I so needed to hear this one. I’m in the EXACT same boat with my 4 year old boy! This was so helpful.

Hi Dr. Becky - with regards to the question that was asked about the 14 month old toddler that keeps waking up and ends up in her moms bed during the night. I noticed you focused on the husband help part of the equation but you never addressed if it is all right to have your toddler sleep in bed with you when they have difficulties, nor how to deal with those difficulties when they arise. I would be very interested to learn your thoughts there.

This is a tough topic for me. I think most parents will say they did the best they could, and in many ways I believe to some degree that is true. However, as much as I know my mother loved my sister and I, there was a cycle I still struggle to break. My mother was always a yeller and she hit. She often would pull my hair as a child and cursed a lot. I know I am an adult with my own free will and am capable of making decisions and choices. However, I still struggle with being reactive and I yell a lot and will curse. This is definitely affecting my relationship with my 10 year old daughter. I think she has an unhealthy attachment to me, always wanting me to be home with her and upset if I go out for even a few hours. She "needs" me to be close to her in proximity to her bedroom when she goes to bed every night. How do I break this cycle of yelling and learn to set clear boundaries that I will be consistent with. BTW, I hope this does not seem like an excuse but I really feel that I also have A.D.D. but was never formally diagnosed. I do take meds for anxiety too. Thank you for your advice.

Hi Dr. Becky! I really enjoy learning from your podcasts. I was wondering if you have created any podcasts that focus on siblings for ages 10 and older. I have two daughters, ages 10 and 15. I have a very hard time setting boundaries with my 10 year old. This is especially with respect toward her sister, her feeling like I am always yelling at her over her sister and screen rules. I would really appreciate a podcast with older children! Thank you!

I'm learning so much from you as an ECE.

If i see Dr. Gabor Mate’s name on a title i quickly click on it and listen to him because i know an imperfect parent like me will learn a lot from him. Thank God for people like him. For his wisdom and the courage to share it🙏🏻☝🏻

I am so grateful for the clarity this brought about parental rage and how it is unmet needs that we have. The second take away brought me to tears the moment that you spoke it. I have been identifying myself as a parent and nothing else for a couple years too long now. Being of selfless service, trying to compensate for what I felt like was a horrible beginning to a childhood for my son. Realizing now that I unintentionally only caused more damage by doing so 🥲 I am ready to discover who I am outside of being a mother, I don't fully know that part of myself and letting go of the grip I have seems beyond terrifying. Thank you both for your time, all the work that you have done and for being vulnerable and honest with us all to provide these resources and help as many parents as you can. 🙏💚

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Hi Dr. Becky. I wondered if I could ask your advice about something. I have two daughters, Alyssa (age 15) and Julia (age 10). Julia is constantly upset because she feels that I yell at her more and only punish her. Alyssa instigates things like any other teenager, but Julia is always defensive. She seems to be jealous of her sister, as Alyssa goes to the mall, Target or Starbuck's all the time. She doesn't seem to understand that if Alyssa has her own money, she is mostly using that. I cannot keep buying everything Julia wants. I know I yell at Julia often but feel that she is often disrespectful of Alyssa and myself. However, if it is her dad, she is of course different with him and more or less listens to him, especially when it comes to screens. I fear the random use of screens has created an unhappy child too. I try to limit screen time, but Julia never seems content unless it is on a screen, having a playdate (this does not happen every weekend) or shopping. How do I create rules and boundaries with each age, especially when it comes to screens and shopping? Thank you so much.

Great because in life there's no punishment or consequences for any wrong doing so of course we need to teach children that lie so they can grow up derranged and constantly trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with them...

Omg! This is absurd! How would a 2 1/2 year old be able to take in these type of words? and you can “practice “ all you want but when the child bites they are in “fight or flight” meaning they can not reflect and think oh I better bite my chew toy rather than my brother. It’s very obvious from watching this that she has not actually worked with children.

Love you Dr. Becky Kennedy. You are a genius....! Keep speaking spreading the message ! ruclips.net/video/HLVVwD9bG2s/видео.html

This hit home! My youngest has gotten stitches because of aggressive older sister. It's hard! "I won't let you!" is my new favorite advice. The way you break this all down is so helpful. New listening to you, but I've already learned so much. I love the good inside thought. It's spot on! I have been leading my kid nothing she's a bad kid. Thank you for sharing this!

What about a kid who doesn't care about putting his best effort in? Who doesn't have any ambition?

Hi! Such an interesting approach. Sounded off but hearing the backing it does make sense. Teaching The whole person… I have an ABA background whereby the trigger is noted but the consequence is more what determines the future frequency of a behavior. Your approach suggests the trigger for the behavior is actually something more effective to focus on, very comforting actually. This may be very hard with those with challenging intellectual abilities, but I will try to incorporate this idea!

Love love love...love Dr. Becky and how she answered that first question! So helpful to role play being on their level and being an ally. On a personal note, I have a lot of activation and trigger to the term "emotional vaccination. That really doesn't land well for me at all... only because vaccination has so so so much around it in this day in age....and for me note positive!

Brilliant!!!